Episode III, Dan Saw; Dan Learn, What Did?

It's early Sunday morning, so let's forgo the introductory jibber-jabber and get right to it...

Spoiler Alert: Darth Vader Is Luke Skywalker's Father

I ventured to Regal Cinema to catch Star Wars Episode III on Friday night. Admittedly, I'm not the biggest Star Wars fan in the world. Hell, I didn't even see Episode II, continuing my tradition of seeing sequels without seeing the previous movie (see Matrix, The). So with low expectations, I entered the theatre, hoping to be at least semi-entertained.

Fortunately, the pre-show entertainment was great. Oh, I don't mean previews or commercials for Coca-Cola. You see, part of me really wanted to think that fanboys dressing up like their favorite Sith Lord was a media-created myth. I try to be optimistic like that. I also thought that if anyone needed to get such dorkdom out of their system, they would have done it at Wednesday's midnight opening. But alas, there was a small group of fanatics, each dressed in a different Star Wars attire. I tried to snap a picture of them with my camera phone, but they looked over in my direction before I could snap a pic. Fearing they would throw their plastic light sabers at me (which could hurt if hurled from a distance), I put the phone away and went my merry way to the box office, snickering the whole time.

My buddy Mike was running a little late, so I decided to get tickets for the 7:45 show as opposed to the 7:20 show we initially planned for. The following is an honest-to-Yoda conversation I had with one of Regal's finest:

Me: I'd like two tickets for the 7:45 showing of Episode III.
Cashier: I'm sorry sir, we're all sold out for the 7:45 showing.
Me: Oh ok...
Cashier: Would you like tickets for the 7:46 showing?

There were so many things I wanted to say at that moment, such as...

This is an outrage. Let me talk to your manager...
I'd rather hold out for the 7:47 showing...
This will make me late for my dinner date at 10:23...

Instead, I said...

Sure.

So I picked up my tickets for 14-to-8:00 and went back to the lobby to wait for Mike. It was there that, from a distance, I noticed a throwrug that was slightly folded over. Within a 15-second span, I watched not one, not two, but seven people trip over this rug before someone finally decided to put the rug back to its original non-hazardous state. Within 10 minutes of my arrival at the theatre, I seriously began to question if God knew what he was getting into when he said, "Let there be light."

Oh yeah, the movie itself. Honestly, it wasn't bad at all. On the plus side, Jar-Jar was only in the movie briefly and never spoke. On the negative side, he didn't die. Overall, I thought did a nice job of wrapping the sexilogy (it's a new word, ok?) I do sincerely hope George Lucas calls it quits and doesn't go through with the rumored Episodes VII through IX. I don't think I could take Yoda speaking in passive voice for another three films.

What Dan Learned This Week

• College graduations seriously need a halftime show. With cheerleaders.
  
• It's really sad when your Commencement speaker is former Surgeon General David Satcher and your first thought is, "Dude, the guy from Super Size Me!"
  
• PartyPoker.com should be banned in all 50 states. Well, now that I lost the money I put into it...
• I'm the biggest Muppets fan in the world. But The Muppets Wizard of Oz SUCKED.
• It's of the utmost importance for me to educate people of the impact Waldo Faldo made on modern pop culture.
• I could have bought ten Burger King hamburgers for the price of one Pretzel Bites combo at Regal.
• To answer "Joe's" question earlier this week...I don't quite know what KR would do.

That is all.

Until next time...
Dan