My Weekend, Plus The Return of *dum dum dum* WHAT DAN LEARNED

It's Monday. I'm blogging. There's your riveting intro.

Bridging the (Wind) Gap

I performed in the Quadriannual (it's a word now) Wind Gap wrestling show this past Saturday. Shocker of shockers, I wasn't physically attacked by a 5-year-old this time. You know it's bad when an actual fan comes up to you and says, "Wow, you weren't physically attacked by a 5-year-old this time."

I got to meet Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, which was definitely cool. But being in a locker room environment, I also saw way more of Brutus than I ever wanted to see.

After the show, our crew went to Applebee's, where I was told the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. There is a very nice family that goes to our shows in Delaware, and they actually made the trip to see us in Wind Gap. While we're waiting at Applebee's, the father tells me that he recently had a Parent-Teacher Conference for his 6-year-old daughter. The teacher said, "Your daughter is a good student, a bit talkative. But I do have to ask...who is Hightower?" (For those that don't know, Hightower is my "gimmick name" in wrestling). Apparently, her hatred for my character (a bad guy) runs deep enough that she talks about it in class.

Getting boos is all well and good...but when you have indirectly infiltrated the educational system, that's when you can say, "I have done my job."

And Knowing Is Half the Battle

Family Guy FINALLY returned last night, and holy mother of crap...I have not laughed so hard in such a long time. Between Peter rambling off the 20 or so cancelled Fox shows to Gepetto bending over and trying to get Pinocchio to lie, I was literally rolling at some points. Even the Evil Monkey Living in Chris' Closet (tm) made a cameo appearance.

Welcome back, Seth MacFarlane. Welcome back.

More Lowes Fun

My war of attrition with Lowes continues to rage on. They were supposed to call me at 8:30 this morning to tell me the estimated time of delivery. Around 10:30, I still heard nothing, so I gave them a call. The call went something like this:

Lowes: How may I direct your call?
Me: Deliveries.
Lowes: Just a moment.
*20 rings*
Lowes: Who are you holding for?
Me: Deliveries.
Lowes: Just a moment.
*20 rings*
Lowes: Who are you holding for?
Me: Deliveries.
Lowes: Just a moment.
*20 rings*

Yeah, it was about 10 minutes of that. When I finally got a hold of someone (likely Tweedle Dipshit), he told me the manager was on a delivery (note, not my delivery), but he had all of the day's delivery information with him, so he couldn't tell me anything. He said I would get a call back "within a half hour."

As I typed that last sentence, they called me back.

"Can we schedule it for tomorrow?"

Oh my holy God. I initially told him no, because Ned was already there taking down the porch. When I called Ned about it though, he said it would work better for him since he didn't have to wait forever for the delivery, which makes sense. So I called Lowes back...

Lowes: How may I direct your call?
Me: Deliveries.
Lowes: Just a moment.
*20 rings*
Lowes: Who are you holding for?
Me: Deliveries.
Lowes: Just a moment.

I shit you not. But luckily, they picked up before ring #19 the next time. So everything is apparently squared away for tomorrow...

Which means the delivery is likely to be Thursday.

What Dan Learned This Past Week...

• F Lowes...
• I have the ability to make a life metaphor out of any scene or character from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory...
• Family Guy is BACK...
• If you're talking about someone and that person ends up walking into the room, it is not a good idea to pretend you're talking about someone else by saying, "God rest his soul..."
• Roy Rogers rest stop hamburgers kick ass...
• Wrestling fans really know how to beat a joke into the ground...
• Companies who ban the use of AIM should be shut down...
• Giving a two-week notice is only effective when the company actually schedules you to work during the second week...
• People outside of my circle of friends actually read this crap...

That is all.

Until next time...
Dan