I Went to AC and All I Got Was This Lousy Fly Swatter

Normally when I venture to Atlantic City with Mike and/or company, I blog about how the Price is Right Slot is/isn't my bitch or how we ingrained visions of a naked Wilfred Brimley into the heads of an unassuming toll booth collector. While Mike and I continued to cement our place in Hell by still partaking in such activities yesterday, we found what will assuredly be our newest twisted pastime: taking pictures of really funny shit in dollar stores. So in my last blog of 2006, please allow me to take you through Dan's Photo Album of Phun (tm).

Our adventure starts here (though I'm admittedly not sure what a gift nut is)...

Mike and I made our way to the back of the store, where we entered an area that apparently warrants its own section...

FYI -- There was not one single seashell for sale. Say those last words real fast five times.

Now I know that part of the "allure" of a dollar store is finding generic ripoffs of name-brand products. But when you have to rip off a board game that hit its peak popularity in 1987...well... that's just plain sad.


When I perused through the other faux games of board, I initially thought to myself, "Wow, I'm shocked there's no Hungry Hungry Hippos ripoff." A turn to the next endcap quelled that surprise rather quickly...


After thanking God that some Malaysian sweatshop worker didn't bother with a Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur knockoff, we sauntered over to the next section which...well...doesn't really necessitate an explanation...

What really scares me is that the store bought these in bulk.

Next, we have plastic weaponry for upper management who have just had enough...

Unfortunately, they were sold out of the Middle Management Sniper Rifles

Now, I admittedly never had a sweet tooth, so I wouldn't quite consider myself a candy aficionado. However, Mike and I spent a good amount of time afterwards trying to wrap our heads around this one...

I can't even think of a witty caption. It's been 24 hours since I first saw this, and I'm still staring at this picture in disbelief.

From the "Completely Lame Gag" department...

I'm sure the Mrdheao Man would be proud

Now, if you ever decide to dust off your old Tandy and get stuck on how to get past that alien in the East Corridor, this strategy guide should be of great assistance...

Two points of interest: there were about 60 of these and the copyright date? 1994.

Someone thinks quite highly of the woman who birthed him...

It does raise the question: is there such a thing as a maternity test?

Ladies and gentlemen: the world's first bird swatter...

Also proven to be effective for swatting Jeff Goldblum (dated 1980s movie reference)

I am now about to present the crown jewel of my dollar store photo collection. This product is the absolute epitome the unbridled cheesiness of the All-American Indian-owned discount store...

The glared-out text reads, "Now you can watch your home movies and slides on your TV!"

Ok, the front of the box alone gave me a good chuckle. But it was the text on the back that turned said chuckle into absolute laughter...

And with that, I bid you (and 2006) adieu.

Until next time...
Dan

What Dan Learned in Florida (So Far)

I'm fully aware that it has been well over two months since I last blogged. The reason behind lack of said bloggage is quite simple: I'm a lazy, lazy man.

So with half-assed pseudoapologies out of the way, it is time to once again discover What Dan Learned in Florida...

So Far.

* Before my sister and I boarded the plane, the woman at the front desk announced the whole criteria for sitting in the exit row, including the ability to "speak English fluently." Unfortunately for the potential non-English-speaking contingent on the plane, said instructions were not given in any other language.

* Parents who can't control their screaming babies on an aircraft need to have their parenting licenses revoked...particularly when said infant is sitting directly across from me.

* Without fail, I am always seated directly next to where the flight attendants set up the drink cart...which means I am always the last person to get a beverage.

* My bilingual highlight so far: seeing someone in a Miami Gamestop ask the question, "Tienes el Wii?"

* I informed my Mom and sister that they are the participants in "Dan's Dr. Frankenstein Project" (note: participation is not voluntary). DDFP is my attempt at taking different qualities from different females we encounter, in the hopes of figuring out what my "ideal woman" is. Well, the Project lasted a grand total of 24 hours before we found someone. So to the mysterious "Woman in Gold Dress," someday...someday.

Until next time...
Dan