Dear Jack Clown...

Remember this guy from my Red Bank posting?

I had neglected to mention that our crazy clan dubbed the freaky-looking bastard, "Jackoff the Clown" (for obvious reasons).

Now remember this place?

Yeah, so do my bowels, which I suspect will have remnants of those pint-sized atrocities called Sliders swimming around in them for years to come.

So half-jokingly/half-because-I-have-no-life, I used WhiteCastle.com's feedback section to complain about the alleged food their establishment served to me on that fateful Saturday afternoon. I don't remember the exact verbiage I used, but I'm sure I used some combination of the phrases "Harold and Kumar," "poison," and "hours on the toilet." I signed the email as "Jack Clown", in tribute to New Jersey's favorite son. Considering my diatribe was blatantly sarcastic and signed by a guy named Jack Clown, I expected that this would be the last correspondence I would ever have with said evil institution.

Until yesterday...

When I looked at the front of the envelope, I truly didn't want to believe it. Yes, the name on the mailing address was "Jack Clown." Yes, the sender had a logo strangely resembling White Castle's, right down to the exact spelling of the words "White Castle." It wasn't until I opened the letter that my eyes focused on a letter truly made me question both my sanity and theirs....

Note: I don't have the letter in front of me, so I am paraphrasing it to the best of my recollection. Considering I read the letter about 35 times, I'm sure this is pretty close to what was actually written...

"Dear Jack Clown:

We recently received your feedback about your recent dining experience in White Castle. We are deeply concerned that you did not have a positive experience in our restaurant. Please contact us immediately at (some 1-800 number) so that we can rectify the situation."

Best Regards,
White Castle Customer Service"

Deep down, I know I should just let this charade end now. This is obviously a joke that's just been taken too far, and I should cut it off now while I'm ahead.

So I'll let you know how the phone call goes in a few days...

Until next time...
Dan