Double the Learning, Double the Fun

Well, this was quite the eventful week. For those who I didn't tell (and for the one guy in India who reads this...I know you're out there), we moved into a new office this week. Well, "new" is a figurative term, since the maintenance crew apparently decided that:

• Dan doesn't need something silly like a doorknob on his door.
  
• Dan doesn't need something silly like both ends of the toilet paper holder in his bathroom.
• Dan doesn't need something silly like having his printer in his actual office. We'll just put his printer in a more inconvenient location...like the kitchen.
  

Yeah, I have a feeling I'll be scheduling my trips to the printer around my coffee breaks.

Student: Sir, can I please have my Immigration documents that you just printed?
Dan: Sorry Generic Unnamed Student, I still half a cup left.

I also learned a valuable lesson this week (in addition to the bulleted learning points coming up in a paragraph or two): being without a computer sucks. I don't know how office employees kept themselves amused pre-Bill Gates, but I'm assuming they didn't entertain themselves with office supplies like I did:


I'm not normally this pathetic. Honest.

Well, we've already learned than I am a Pushpin Artiste. So what other nuggets of wisdom do I wish to impart upon you?

What Dan Learned

• As I said in my comments earlier this week, there actually is a worse name in the world than an unhyphenated (I Am) Fuching. So if you ever run into an Indian male with the last name of Dikshit, you have my permission to tell him that looking through his file amused me for hours the other day.
• There are fewer pleasures in life than seeing the phrases "Organized Living" and "Out of Business" used in the same sentence.
• When you clean off your bedroom desk and find statements with dates that end in "04", you know you're a lazy bastard.
• He-Man. DVD. August. I just might cry.
  
• Whoever said, "There is no such thing as a free lunch" never worked in my office.
  
• Never underestimate the tear-inducing hotness of a sandwich called "The Firehouse."
• I have a strange craving for a Scrumdiddlyumptious bar.
  

That is all...or is it?

I'll answer my own rhetorical question. No, that is not quite all. As a special bonus, I now divulge...

What Dan Learned in Atlantic City (Part 4,197,381.333 repeating)

• Game show-based nickel slots have officially lost "my bitch" status.
• Only one person in the world will know what I mean by this, but The Algorithm (tm) did not work. :(
  
• There is no larger group of butters-in-line than old people.
• I thought that leaving my backup comp card in a machine while someone else plays on it was an ingenious way to earn more comp credits. AC must have some uber-scientific way of determining who is at a machine, because my plan failed miserably. And I forgot to pick the card back up...
  
• Foreign chicks at boardwalk pizza places have the looks of a supermodel and the disposition of the Soup Nazi.
• The vision of this woman dancing will haunt me for the rest of my natural-born life...

(If you're thinking, "C'mon, it's not THAT bad", I dare you to click the picture for a "better" view)

That is all. And good luck trying to get that visual out of your head...

Until next time...
Dan