Conclusion to Le Blog de Montreal

I know I'm quite late in finishing my Montreal recap. I could chalk it up to being busy, but that would just be a downright lie. So let's attribute it to total laziness and put it all behind us, shall we?

Now when we last left off, I was becoming quite acquainted with "Le Restroom" on "Le Cruise", since I felt like "Le Crap."

"I have a question, Dan," you state in an inquisitively perturbed fashion.
"Yes?"
"Did you beat the lame French puns into the ground all week?"
"Oui."

The next night, we went to a French-ish restaurant with my Mom and her two colleagues. Her one co-worker, Cristina, swore up and down that I needed to try Poutine, which consists of French Fries smothered in gravy. Since I had eaten pretty healthy throughout the week (and likely burned off three days worth of calories with the amount of walking I had done), I was game for some French artery-clogging goodness.

I had hardly eaten at all that day, so gravy fries (tm) didn't sound appetizing as a strictly stand-alone mealsnackfood(tm). As I perused the menu, however, I noticed that standard American fare (grilled cheese, hot dogs, burgers, etc) were more than $20 apiece. I also noticed that each said item had the words "foie gras" in front of it. Initially, I had hoped "foie gras" was French for "freaking good", because the thought of eating "Freaking Good Grilled Cheese" not only sounded appetizing, but like a genius Franco-American marketing slogan.

But no.

For those not up on their French or bird innards, allow me to share the Dictionary.com definition of "foie gras:"

foie gras

n : a pate made from goose liver (marinated in cognac) and truffles [syn: pate de foie gras]

If you just felt a little bit of vomit in the back of your throat, you are officially feeling my pain. Now apparently, goose liver is quite a delicacy, to which I asked my dinnermates..."If it's such a delicacy, why is it on every menu item?" So I ended up sticking with the aforementioned gravy fries. Plus, $5.25 for Poutine was a wee tad more reasonable than paying $25 for eating food topped with Donald Duck's internal organs.

So of course, this meant that my Poutine was covered with Donald Duck's internal organs.

Apparently, you must specify that you don't want your fries topped with food that visually resembles Alpo. Luckily, I was able to scrape the alleged delicacy off my gravy fries, which were quite delicious as a standalone dish. However, imagine my shock when, despite the fact the foie gras never came within a three-foot radius of my mouth, the bill jumped from $5.25 to $24.00. Fortunately for me, I didn't pay the bill. Unfortunately for my Mom, she committed to this being my "birthday dinner." And just so you don't think I'm heartless, I did offer to reimburse her, but she politely declined.

The next day, it was time for my return to the good ol' U.S. of A Place With No Foie Gras (I'm sure it's served somewhere, but the cheap joke only works if I assume it's only a French-only thing). Unfortunately, my return wouldn't be a smooth one, as I was the lucky recipient of the "random check" at the Security Checkpoint in Montreal. And oh boy, was that fun. If you're ever in the mood to be publicly violated in front of several people, I highly recommend it (though since it's "random", I guess you wouldn't get much say in the matter). In all fairness, the officer was very friendly throughout the process. However, my main problem was that the officer was very "friendly" throughout the process. I'm just going to end it there, because the flashbacks of a gloved hand getting ever-so-close to my guys is just a bit much to bear. Though I guess I can say I now know what it's like to be a guest at the Neverland Ra...

Alright seriously. I'll stop now.

Before I sign off (and crumble to the floor in a fetal position), here are a few pictures from the trip...

I should have known it was a mistake to wear a Flyers sweatshirt in Canadien Country, as I ended up getting mocked by a 70-year-old man over it.

I'm not sure what had me more sadly excited...the fact that a stop sign was in both French and English or the fact that I was almost as tall as it.

I need to start buying more cereal.

Until next time...
Dan